Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
