I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
