His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
