gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
