My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
