My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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