You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
