I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
