i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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