That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
