People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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