So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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