did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drake has all the answers
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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