I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
