this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
