Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
