i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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