New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
