i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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