she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
