you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
