I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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