Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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