Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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