I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
