It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
