I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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