I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
