God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Success! We fucked roommates!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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