I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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