You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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