Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
