I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
