he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
