HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've blown a few things in my day
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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