I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
