Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
