Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And then he peed in my hair
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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