If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
