I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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