This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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