Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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