can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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