But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I love you. Go after that dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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