I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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