Apparently you make a good broom.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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