I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm like, not good at living.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
