You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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