then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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