im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I forget how to act sober
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
