I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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