I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
