so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
