i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The police scanner is talking about you again....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
