Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
