i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
