you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
