I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
