so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
