im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
