Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
