True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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