how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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