drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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