We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
